||[Jul. 24th, 2005|03:09 pm]
I've been trying to figure out in my head....when the time is that being away from Victor is going to get easier and less and less sad when I lay down to sleep and remember he's not going to be there when I wake up. I've been trying to figure it out in my head so I can look forward to a time when I can count the days until we can be together, instead of counting the days that we've been apart...or better yet, lose track of the time, and days, and months, and years altogether, and just be content in knowing that we will be together in the end have that thought pull me through. Sure i'm dreading all of the nights that i'm going to cry myself to sleep missing him, or wish he was there to hug me when i've had a bad day, or give me a hug when i've accomplished something, and vice versa, and everything that goes along with not having your loved one by your side...the person who gives you life, and takes your breathe away at the same time...but I feel as though, without those bad days, I could never truly appreciate everything that we've shared thus far, and everything that we have yet to share...and I think about that...and i'm okay.
I guess I haven't really figured anything out. And I don't know when and/or if this situation will ever even feel "easy". I guess the one thing I do know is that I love Victor with all of my heart and I will continue to support his life choices while he is in the Navy. The Navy stole him away from me, but I DO believe everything happens for a reason...and when we learn that there really is a reason for everything, and can truly accept that, then the beauty is to just remain blissfully happy. ..and I couldn't be happier knowing that I've found the love of my life.